Soapy commodity I have spent far too many nights in hotel rooms recently. Thank fuck they now list porn films as ‘media’ on the hotel bill.

Anyway I have come to discover an important new commodity and it must be more expensive and rare than oil and diamonds. This new commodity is called shower gel.

Yep, in Boots or Walgreens you can buy a big bottle of your favourite stuff for just over a quid or a dollar but in hotels it is considered such a luxury that you get given just a thimble of it and then you have to make it last a few days. Its bloody lucky I don’t have anything sizeable to wash.

I can understand the scrimping in low-rent places but I have stayed in some very nice hotels recently (well, off course) and a dollop of shower gel is like gold dust.

Shower caps, chalky soap, cotton balls - fucking tons of it. Great if you don’t want to get your hair wet while you’re wiping the babies arse but not so good if you want to have a shower and be clean and not just wet at the end of it.

When I ring room service and ask for some more shower gel its like I’ve asked for a kangaroo burger served with beluga caviar and a glass of Cristal. “Some extra shower gel sir? Mmmm, we will have to see what we can do.”

It’s ridiculous and when the bloke does come up with some more, he gives you one more tube of the stuff. I’m on a mission to find out why hotels give you 46 towels, 8 flannels, a dozen soaps but no shower gel. Perhaps I should get on to the Gideons and ask that next time they are doing a bible run they can stick some Imperial Leather in the hotel bathrooms too  ¶ 02:13